


Holding on for dear life

by lesbapocalypse



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hospitals, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, No Lesbians Die, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sanvers - Freeform, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbapocalypse/pseuds/lesbapocalypse
Summary: «Maggie Sawyer. You called me because I am Maggie Sawyer’s emergency contact. Is she okay? »Inspired from a tweet where the idea that Alex was still Maggie's emergency contact (duh).Disclaimer: no lesbian will die here.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so forgive any mistake!
> 
> Enjoy!

The call came at night, around 3am.

The call came at night and in the worst moment.

That moment being, Alex was currently trying to slip out of the bed of one of the many women Kara tried to set her up with in the last months. What was her name again? Jane? Jules? Julia? whatever. So yeah, it wasn’t the best moment for her phone to ring.

Cursing under her breath, she quickly threw on her clothes while looking for her phone, which ended up being closer to the door of the apartment than she remembered.

Once she was out, shirt still half unbuttoned and leather jacket in one hand, she answered the phone without even checking the caller ID because, honestly, it was three in the morning; who could it be if not a DEO emergency call?

«J’onn I am on my way, what's going on? »

Except, for once, it wasn’t a DEO emergency call.

«Is this doctor Alexandra Danvers? »

Alex froze in the hallway, leather jacket halfway in.

«Speaking. Who -  »

«This is National City General Hospital, you were listed as Maggie Sawyer’s emergency contact. »

Alex almost dropped her phone, while the thought that maybe still being listed as her ex fiancée’s emergency contact five months after the break up was a little weird didn’t cross her mind for even half a second. She looked for the keys of her Ducati and ran down the stair of the building, barely registering the words of the nurse on the other side of the line (although the word coma kind of made her move even faster), or hanging up the phone, or the road to the hospital, ridden way past the speed limit.

She only came to her senses when she entered the hospital, and ran through the crowded lobby looking for a nurse.

And she must have looked really disheveled, for a nurse stopped her asking if she needed any help.

«Maggie Sawyer. You called me because I am Maggie Sawyer’s emergency contact. Is she okay? » and, sure enough, when the nurse’s face fell at the mention of Maggie’s name, tears started to collect at the corners of Alex’s eyes.

«Please tell me she’s okay, » she whispered, her badass façade long forgotten.

The nurse put a gentle hand on her arm.

«She got hurt on a raid, a bomb on a warehouse, she basically saved the life of her partner. She just got out of a risky surgery, she um… she lost a lot of blood, we’re doing the best we can, but right now she’s on a coma, and because her injuries were deep, we don’t really know if she’s going to wake up. »

Alex put a hand in front of her mouth to suppress a sob.

«Can I see her? »

«Of course, come with me. »

They started walking to Maggie’s room in silence, when the nurse spoke again.

«Do you know if there are any family member we should alert? »

Alex gulped, took a deep breath and tried to stabilize her voice, wondering for a moment if her parents would even care that their disowned daughter was in a coma.

«No, I’m -  »  _all she has._

Deep breath.

Right hand playing with an empty left ring finger.

«No, she doesn’t. »

The nurse nodded and they continued their walk in silence, until she stopped in front of a single room in the ICU department.

The nurse opened the door to let Alex in, then «I’ll leave you two alone. » and she left, leaving her in the white, sterile, cold room, with only the beep of the machines to keep her company.

Alex took a deep breath, trying to steady her trembling limbs and her nauseous stomach, and got closer to the bed.

And a sob escaped her mouth at the sight of Maggie.

Sweet, beautiful Maggie, pale as Alex had never seen her before, with tubes to help her breathe coming out of her mouth, and more needles that Alex could count stick on her arms, connected to IV tubes.

Alex slowly got to the side of the bed and sat down to a chair next to it, reaching with a trembling hand to carefully put a strand of hair behind her ear.

«Hey there, beautiful, » she whispered with a trembling voice, «This really isn’t how I imagined our reunion to happen, you know? »

She stayed silent for a couple of seconds, as if waiting for Maggie to answer her.

And then, Alex realized that she wasn’t going to answer, that she wasn’t going to scoff, or make a sarcastic joke, or hell, even scream at her to just leave her the hell alone, that she never wanted to see Alex’s face again.  

Then, the nurse’s words finally sank in, and she realized that maybe, the last memory of her beautiful, warm, loving Maggie, was going to be her crying face when she kicked her out of her apartment.

A sob freely escaped her mouth, now, as she buried her face in the white, rough material of the covers of the hospital bed, while her hand held on for dear life to Maggie’s cold one.

A whispered «Please, wake up. »

A whispered «I still love you. »


	2. Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with the second chapter! 
> 
> Again, English is not my first language so forgive any mistake.
> 
> Enjoy!

The rest of the night, Alex spent it dozing off between the regular checks of the nurses, never leaving Maggie’s side.

Around six in the morning, a doctor came to better explain Maggie’s condition to her. It was bad. The bullet had cut through the coronary artery, and no one could really explain how she was still alive.

Lucky star, probably.

At seven, her phone rang.

She surely wasn’t going to leave Maggie’s side for some stupid alien who couldn’t control themselves, she scoffed while picking up, without even bothering to look at the caller ID.

«Danvers.»

Now, as the cheerful voice of her sister on the other line greeted her, she wished she had checked the damn ID.

_«Alex! Hi! How did your date go last night? »_

Deep breath.

«Kara, this is not the best time- »

She stopped. Did Maggie just move?

_«You have to tell me everything! »_

Or maybe not. Probably just her hopeful imagination.

She sighed and tried to focus on her overexcited sister.

«Kara, please, »

She froze.

Oh, Maggie definitely twitched now

_«What about lunch today? »_

Was that a good thing?

She took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

«Kar, I’m- »

_«Are you free? You’re free, I’ll call J_ _-_ _»_

Fuck it. She really didn’t have time for her sister’s antics right now.

«KARA SHUT UP! »

_«… okay, so I guess it didn’t go really well, do y_ _-_ _»_

She tried to keep her voice from shaking.

«Kara, listen to me: I need you to tell J’onn I won’t be coming into work today. Or, well, for a few days, probably. »

_«Oh. Is everything alright? Do you need anything? You sound like you’re crying… are you crying? »_

«No, Kara, I’m… I’m fine I promise. I just- »

The loud beeping of the cardiac monitor made her freeze.

Maggie was crashing.

_Shit._

She got up, slamming the phone on the grey bedside table.

«SOMEONE HELP ME! BRING A CRASH CART! »

In a hurry, Alex entered full _doctor Danvers_ mode now, quickly removing the pillow under Maggie’s head, getting her ready for the crash cart.

In seconds, doctors and nurses were there, trying (and failing) to get Alex out of the room.

She didn’t even notice Kara’s voice still ranging through the phone ( _«Alex, are you at the hospital?! »_ ), as she watched with a racing heart the doctors trying to keep Maggie alive.    

Alex didn’t know how much time had passed, but when the doctors finally told her that Maggie was stable, for now, that she would survive, for now, she released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

When she was alone with Maggie again, she stepped closer to the bed, sitting down and taking Maggie’s cold hand in her own, trembling one.

«Sawyer, you scared me there for a second. », she whispered, barely holding on tears.

«Please, hold on. »

A movement at the door distracted her, almost making her jump for how tense she was.

«Alex? »

Kara. Of course it was Kara.

«Kara. Why… what are you doing here? »

Kara got closer to the bed, not even looking at Maggie’s unconscious form.

«What am I doing here? Alex, I could hear your racing heart from the other side of the city and your sobbing from the other line of the phone, it sounded like someone was dying! What do you think am I doing here, Alex? You- »

«Yeah well, someone was dying. »

Finally, Kara stopped her ranting and finally acknowledged Maggie’s presence in the room.

And her condition.

«Oh my god… », she whispered.

«Yeah. » Alex said, holding back tears. «Apparently, she didn’t change her emergency contact number after… »

She took a deep breath.

«…After the break up. »

She let out a bitter laugh, «I mean, neither did I, but I just assumed she would never want to talk to me again so, you know. »

Another deep breath.

«And instead, here I am. Sitting in a hospital chair, in the ICU of National City General hospital, holding the hand of the… of the person I thought I’d never see again. »

She stayed silent for a moment.

«You know, we never went to the hospital together before. Another first off the list, I guess. » she concluded bitterly.

Neither she nor her sister said anything for a few minutes, Kara standing awkwardly at the feet of the bed, not knowing what to do; and Alex, trying to not start crying. Again. It seemed like it was all she was doing those days.

Kara broke the silence, with a small voice, asking:

«What happened? »

Alex shook her head, trying to order her thoughts, her sight never leaving Maggie.

«An explosion during a raid last night. She saved her partner’s life. Had a risky surgery. The doctors don’t know if… when. When she will wake up. »

Alex bit her lip, while she wiped a stray tear from her cheek, but when Kara engulfed her in an almost-to-tight hug, she finally let her pain run free.

«I don’t know what to do, Kar. », she sobbed, burying her head in her sister’s shoulder. «I am a fucking doctor and I have no idea how to help her. »

Kara tried to soothe her, rubbing reassuring circles on her back.

«Hey, it’s going to be okay. She will wake up. »

Alex shook her head, hugging her sister with one arm and holding Maggie’s hand tighter with the other.

«I made a huge mistake, Kara. » she cried.

«I never should have let her go. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! let me know what you think!
> 
> You can find me at lebapocalypse on tumblr, where you can send me prompts and stuff or just say hi!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys for the delay with the posting, but this week has been hell!  
> Reminder that English is not my first language and i am beta-less, so forgive any mistake please.  
> Enjoy the reading!

More hours passed, pretty quietly.

Kara had to go out for an emergency around 8am.

Around 10am, some of Maggie’s coworkers started showing up at the hospital.

Some, Alex recognized from the wedding shower.

Her captain brought flowers (sunflowers).

A couple of them smiled at her, or patted her back comfortingly.

A few just ignored her.

Most of them glared at her.

Alex didn’t let go of Maggie’s hand not even for a second.

 

Around 12am, her partner, the one who Maggie had saved, showed up with an arm cast and crutches, while a woman -his wife, Alex remembered- helped him walk.

The wife tells Alex that he had been in observation until half an hour ago, and now that he had been discharged with only minor injuries, he just wanted to go see the woman who saved his life.

Alex just nods, as she watches the man beg a sleeping Maggie to wake up, telling her that desk work is going to be so fucking boring without her to chat with, that stake outs are going to be so boring if she doesn’t wake up soon.

And at that, Alex willingly lets go of Maggie’s hand for the first time in ten hours.

She lets go of Maggie’s hand and she excuses herself to the hallway, because she can’t even think of the possibility of Maggie not waking up without feeling her heart literally shatter, so she can’t stay in that room with that man, talking about the chance of her not waking up.

When they come out of the room, they give her a hug, and Alex goes back to her spot, stroking Maggie’s cheek and holding her hand.

A few hours pass by uneventfully.

In the evening, Kara comes back with J’onn, James and Winn.

They come in with a soft, almost pitiful smile on their face.

Alex doesn’t get up to greet them.

«Kara was thinking about Maggie and you all day, a bit hard to not hear. », J’onn says as a way of explanation while hugging her.

«Yeah, we thought it would be nice to show up for her. Be here, for her. », Winn adds by standing awkwardly at the feet of the bed, scratching his head, not really knowing what to do.

«And, we came baring gifts! », James steps in, placing a small bonsai tree on the bedside table «She is always bragging about bonsai trees… »

And Alex smiles at that, actually, genuinely smiles for the first time in what feels like months.

«Thank so much, guys. », she whispers, too tired to try to stop the tears, now.

«You don’t have to thank us, Alex. », J’onn sais, a hand still on her shoulder to reassure her. «We care for her just like you do. »

Kara comes closer to her. Placing a hand on her arm.

«Hey sis, why don’t you go home and get some rest? Eat something, maybe? We’ll stay with her. »

«No, I… » Alex tries to protest, but Winn is quick to silence her.

«We’ll be by her side until you come back, we promise. »

She hesitates for a moment, scared of staying away from Maggie for too long, but knowing that without rest, she isn’t of much help.

«Alright, », she sighs, «just, call me if something happens. If a nurse, or a doctor, say something. Anything. »

«We’ll call you, Alex. Don’t worry. She safe. » James says, smiling softly at her.

Alex nods stiffly, then looks over at Maggie, while the rest of the group suddenly feel like they’re coming between way to private for their presence.

Alex takes Maggie’s hand to her lips, kissing it softly.

She doesn’t say anything, just prays to whichever god there might be up there.

Then gets up, and reluctantly leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, I'm taking prompts on my (tumblrhttp://lesbapocalypse.tumblr.com/) for a one-shot serie I'm about to start, so don't be shy and come say hi and send me something if you want!   
> The first chapter shoul be up this week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys!  
> I am so sorry for the delay on posting this chapter, but my life is being crazy right now so I don't have much time to write. Also, writer block is a bitch.  
> This chapter is a little shorter then the other ones but still, I hope you enjoy the reading!

It’s 9pm when Alex comes back to the hospital.

When she got out, she had gone straight to her apartment, taken a cold shower, changed in some clean clothes, eaten some of the leftovers on her fridge.

She had tried to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes for more than two seconds, she saw Maggie’s pale face on the hospital bed, and the fear pulled at her stomach making her gasp. So she gave up on sleeping after half an hour.

As she came back, the only one left with Maggie was James, who was telling some old, funny story about Winn. The others had to go on a DEO emergency.

Ten minutes later, and she was alone with Maggie again.

Alone with her thoughts.

Alone with the sound of the ventilator and the beeping of the ECG.

And with the small, annoying voice in her head, telling her that she had no right to be at Maggie’s bedside.

That she had no right to be desperate for her to wake up when she was the one who broke her heart in the first place.

When this was all her fault.

Because, if she hadn’t broken up with Maggie over some concept, she probably would have been able to protect her.

Because, on dangerous cases, they always had each other’s back. They always protected each other.

So she really had no right to be there at the moment.

But she couldn’t leave her alone. Not again.

But she knew that, when Maggie would wake up, as much as the thought pained her, then Alex would leave, if she won’t want her here. And really, she wouldn’t blame her. As long as Alex knew that Maggie was okay, alive and breathing. Safe.

She was so lost in her thoughts, she almost didn’t notice the movement on the bed.

Almost.

Maggie was coughing, struggling to breathe on her own around the oxygen tubes.

And yes, she was still asleep, but she was breathing on her own.

She was getting better.

In a second she was up, calling for the doctor, but, getting too impatient, she just decided to free the woman from the tubes herself.

Maggie didn’t open her eyes, or make any move other than coughing around the tubes until Alex and the doctors pulled her free.

But she was breathing. And she saw both doctor and nurse smile as if this was a beautiful, unexpected twist.

Also the fact that Alex herself was a doctor, so yeah. This was good. So good.

The next hours were spent with Alex alternating between sitting on the chair next to Maggie’s bed, walking up and down the room while biting at her nails, and leaving the room only for five minutes when the hunger got so bad she was starting to see double.

The next hours, Alex spent them thinking.

The thoughts about how she shouldn’t be in this room came back, swirling in her head like a snake in a lake, thoughts about how this was all wrong, about how fucked up this all was.

And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to leave her, because no matter what she told herself, no matter how much she feared Maggie’s reaction once woken up, she still loved her so much it hurts. She still wanted to get to grow old with her, and the mere thought of not being able to tell her that made her feel like she was drowning.

Maggie once told her she couldn’t imagine her life without Alex in it.

Now Alex felt like she couldn’t live without Maggie in it.

And she felt so blind, and dumb, and she should have found the courage to tell her all this sooner, to knock at her door and beg her to please, just listen to her, because she couldn’t picture a family without Maggie.

Alex rested her head on her arm resting right beside Maggie’s sleeping form, trying and failing to hold on the tears and panic rising in her throat, while she continued to hold her hand.

And Maggie moved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are always appreciated and make me write faster!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! let me kniw what you think!
> 
> You can find me at lebapocalypse on tumblr, where you can send me prompts and stuff or just say hi!


End file.
